I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
