Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
