Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
