I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
