I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
