Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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