I wish I could punch you in the face.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
