i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
