My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You ruined the universe
Randomize
