I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
