i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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