I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
