Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
