Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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