you would pick up someone in the library
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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