God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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