I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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