***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
