Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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