if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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