please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
