I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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