Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
