also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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