When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
