so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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