First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
