Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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