it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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