It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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