I could make wine with my vomit
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
