Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
