69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
