no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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