I'm so fucking centered right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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