flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
