And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Alive.
So much puke
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
