The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
