Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
