Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
just found out that she named her cat after me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
