I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
