And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
