Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
