She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize