i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm passing your future prison.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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