I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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