I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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