My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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