saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
