Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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