I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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