Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
