Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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