I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
