I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
