I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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