well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
