You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
