So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
