hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
