Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
