They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
