his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
