Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The Olympian is in my bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
