all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
