That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
