Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
