i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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