you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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