4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize