So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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