Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
