carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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