3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
